You Know What I Really Don't Understand?

People. Just people. Every day that I live my life, I see more and more people that like to suck the happiness out of it. It really feels like there are just masses and masses of people who have no compassion, and they don't really give a shit about it.

Take this evening for instance...my friend and I are walking to get food from one of the dining halls. These three guys walk out, two of them carrying a box of a dozen doughnuts. One of them was...a rather larger fellow, who began to remove one of the donuts from the box as they were walking. On the other side, we have Douchebag 1 and Douchebag 2. Douchebag 1 begins to laugh, as Douchebag 2 yells from feet away at the boy holding the doughnut. Granted, I didn't here exactly what he said. But he did yell something poking fun at the big boy with the doughnut. I watched the boy's face slowly sink, and the Douchebags walked away, laughing and looking back. All I could give them was a hostile glare, but if I was close enough, I swear I could have decked both of them in the face.

Seriously...what is wrong with people? In what kind of world do we live in where people think they can just say or do whatever they want with no thought of how it affects others? I know this is a cliche thing that people talk about all the time, but it is a real problem. Humans, as a whole, never seem to see the pain behind the mask. They see a person complaining about how they are tired of life, hate their life, etc etc., yet all they can say is that the person is "attention whoring." Little do they know, that person is the boy with the doughnut, the girl with an eating disorder, the kid from an abusive family, ANYONE. Everyone is so focused on themselves that they forget that other people exist, and it's entirely narrow-minded. No one is innocent of the crime.

With all of the hate in the world, there needs to be a change of heart. Somewhere. With the recent chain of events, this is even more evident. But, as usual, that's better said than done. But it takes little steps. Little steps...

What I Try to Remind Myself

I try to remind myself that everything will be worth it in the end: I say that hopefully, but not assuredly. Sometimes even when people tell me that college will "get better", it really doesn't seem like it has so far. I mean, I go home in a little over a month and I feel kinda crappy about my entire freshman year. Just like always, I feel like there is something I could have done better: could have been less shy to people, could have studied more, could have gone to that review session, could of done this and that and blah blah blah...But it is what it is. It's easier to tell myself than to actually believe it. I wish I had more confidence and could look back and say, "wow...I really kicked ass!" But...this is college. I have to remind myself that even though I had straight A's in high school, it doesn't say much about my performance here. Everything is so different; I'm even learning things I'm not used to. Hell, I had never touched a pig, cow, or sheep in my life until I came here. I can't be expected to know everything the first time around. But I'm trying...